Aug 11, 2010 0
Inspiration for Wednesday, August 11, 2010
From the book – “It’s Never Too Late … 172 Simple Acts to Change Your Life” by Patrick Lindsay
To Look To The Stars
They promise so much.
They show us perspective.
We look at them and dream.
And hope.
And wonder.
At their unlimited possibilities …
YOU are a star ..
Lesly 
Jul 24, 2010 0
The notion that books on childbirth will give you all the answers of how your birth experience will be is very misleading. There are no absolutes in childbirth. The only one is this: you will have a baby. How, when, where, is questionable – and totally up to you.
How: this depends on you, hypnobirthing? Calm Birth? Water Birth? Medicated? Un medicated? Midwife? these are the “how” questions.
Where: Hospital? Birth Center? Home? There are “where” questios.
When: ??? Patience, patience, patience … no one knows, not even the doctors
What’s missing is this and what I believe needs to be cultivated:
Resourceful thinking.
Resourceful thinking is being able to explore all options, all philosophies – not just one, AND be willing to examine your fears. Childbirth is a direct challenge to a woman physically and emotionally: “how will I do this?”, “can I do this?” This is the area that needs the most attention and preparation.
Athletes need to prepare emotionally and physically for an event. No. You can’t practice giving birth! LOL! But you can visualize your inner strength. You can draw upon past challenges and how you survived them. The more you believe in yourself and your abilities, the better prepared you’ll be for birth.
Instead of reading childbirth books, or watching births on TV, read personal success stories, and magazines, content that will build your confidence, that create “can do” attitudes!
Resourceful thinking is about learning a avriety of concepts and using them to meet your needs or assist you in problem solving, or getting motivated, inspired to accomplish something that is challenging.
Childbirth is no different than the ahlete . Childbirth is both physical and emotional. The emotional part – your thinking – is the part that often slows labor down or stops it completely because you are in a “fear” state of mind.
Society has created a “collective psychological fear” of childbirth. Much of it is consumer driven – magazines, TV shows, medications, products, negative birth stories, etc. There are many women though who would like to experience childbirth in their own way.But, fear creeps in with all the negative stories and the negative thinking begins..
So, my answer to this is to strengthen your brain and how you think. Learn new thinking sklls to help build your confidence. Tap into your coping skills. Read positive stories about birth – there are some right here on this network.
Here’s a magazine I love www.successmagazine.com
Fear —–> increased anxiety —-> increased perception of pain
Resourceful Thinking can break this pattern.
Lesly
Jul 24, 2010 0
There is a lot of confusing information out there regarding labor. The first one I would like to address is – TV and the movies!! Women in labor have been portrayed so unfairly through the years through this medium that the real world actually believes it!
For example, when “Friends” was still on TV, there was an episode where one of the actors had a BREECH delievery. That was pretty interesting simply because you CAN have a vaginal breech birth, but the baby was a least 6 WEEKS OLD! Not to mention the actor was sensationalizing the whole birth experience.
I can’t tell you how many births I have participated in without all the drama.
Does a woman in labor “scream” because she thinks she is expected to? Or can a woman actually birth in a peaceful, calm state of mind. Yes. A woman can birth peacefully.
Yes… there will be some noise, some grunting during pushing, but screaming and yelling? No, that does not have to be.
So, let me ask you- how do you think you’ll behave?
Getting the right information means finding out about the reality of giving birth and what your rights are n choosing HOW to give birth. Very important to get the real facts…
what do you think?
Lesly
Jul 24, 2010 0
Fear is a powerful thought. I know I have discussed this before, but it needs to be repeated over and over, and over again.
Fear is only a thought and can quickly be erased with a different more productive thought. Women in labor thank they don’t hve the potential to give birth when they really do. Women can tap into an inner strength that comes alive when laboring. Ufortunately, there are s many wonderful birth stories out there that we never hear them. We only hear the scary ones on TV. Or maybe a friend has shared her story that scared you.
Womem telling women scary stories about birth is reinforcing the fear and the belief that you can’t go through labor.
You can.…
* Stop watching the TV shows about birth and remember this- sensationalism sells!
* Stop reading “What To Expect While Expecting” and other similar books. Reality is always different than what you read or see
* Pay attention to your own body, sensations, and relationship with you and your belly
* Read the discussion/blog about “belly” training
* Your body has hormones that kick in to assist your body to give birth – all done WITHOUT your thoughts
* Think GOOD and loving thoughts. I can do this.
Your body knows what to do. It’s your thinking that may get in the way.
Ask and share your thoughts. I, we, are here to help.
Lesly
Jul 24, 2010 0
Smartbirth – Expecting? Reasons to turn off the TV
Lesly Federici
10/3/09
There are valid reasons to stop watching TV while you’re pregnant. Perhaps difficult to do, but TV can lead to increased stress. Here’s how that happens and what you can do to avoid “implanted” fears about pregnancy, labor and birth.
Recently I watched two TV shows that up until now had been (sorta) favorites. I won’t mention them here, but you may know which ones hey are just by the episodes I am about to share with you.
I have long believed that TV is the worst activity to pursue when you’re pregnant especially, when I experienced the negative effects of it years ago. I was pregnant with my son and watched a horrific story about a pregnant woman who dies in the ER of this medical “entertainment” show. Due in two weeks and scared, I thought “What if that happens to me?” Of course it didn’t. That was just my “implanted” fear rolling along at normal speed. Most pregnant women experience this. Other things happened to me though, but not that. Instead I had a healthy baby boy and no trauma.
The two TV shows I mention above were also “medical” in nature and ran back to back both with horrific pregnancy stories. One where a resident accidently sliced off a newborn’s arm during a caesarean birth and fixed it with plastic surgery and the other (this was really bad) where a psychotic patient “steals” her therapist’s unborn child and runs off with it with the mother close to death. In the end baby is returned to the mother, mother survives, and the psychotic woman is arrested. Whew, what an evening of TV entertainment! Now, how reassuring were those types’ of TV stories to an expectant mother who is already anxious about labor and birth? Not much.
If you’re expecting and reading this article, good! Because I am going to tell you why you shouldn’t watch TV or see any movies about pregnant women while you are pregnant. The first biggest reason is TV shows and movies become successful based on drama, sensationalism, ratings, and what sells, not truth — hat’s it.
I have watched baby shows on TV to see what the stories are like. Very few highlight how great a birth experience can be! Instead they show birthing stories that scare you, “implanting” more fear and increasing your anxiety level. Yes. These stories are true. But for every distressful birth story you watch and hear about, there are thousands of birth stories that are wonderful. These are not heard about as much as they should be. Turning off the TV is easy, reduces stress and anxiety. And, it’s something you can control.
Here’s what you could do instead.
1. If you must know about birthing experiences of other women, find positive stories that build confidence in your own abilities and help create an attitude of “Gee, she did it and it was okay, so can I!”
2. Don’t believe everything you see on TV. Remember, TV is all about shock value, ratings, and what sells. What is happening in your life is the truth. Focus on your pregnancy, birth planning, and your relationship with your partner – that’s real.
3. There is always someone coming up to you to touch your wonderful pregnant belly and then they start to tell you their birth experience. Good or bad, simply and sweetly tell them you don’t want to hear it. Avoid this “implanted” fear as much as possible. There’s nothing worse than another woman, friend, or parent, telling you their perceived horror labor story, or telling you what they think about your birthing plans. Get a tee shirt made that says something like “hands off”, “tell me later”. This puts you in control of what you decide to listen to and it signals others to respect you.
Jul 24, 2010 0
I am a firm believer of relaxation and having an almost “Zen” like attitude about birth. I found this article and the author writes about letting go of control to birth.
The childbirth experience is really about you – not the baby. So, exploring your attitudes and feelings about birth , I think, will help you in coping more with it. Acceptance of the birth prcess is also important. So read this little article and tell me what you think.
http://birthproject.com/02-web3.pdf
Thinking of you,
Lesly
Jul 24, 2010 0
Through my years of teaching, I have met many expectant women. I have always wondered why one woman has a more relaxed attitude about birth, and others not. Why some women are more inclined to learn hypnobirthing for example, and others go for an epidural. All is okay as it depends on the woman – her needs and perceptions about birth. So, I came of with “levels of body/mind awareness”
Level 1: These are people in general who are not in touch with their bodies or personal behavior. They respond more to external influences, advice from others, and usually fixated on cell phones, iPads, texting, etc. They look to others, gadgets, medications, or things to solve/fix their challenges, or may even blame others for them. Their “world” is an external one and are unaware of how their body’s health – at any given time or moment, reflects their personal mindset and lifestyle. Expectant women may not be “connected” with their body and baby during pregnancy, fear labor, and want to use medications through the labor process ( which is fine). Because they depend on external things to have all the answers, when it comes to childbirth it can be more challenging because the birth process is an “internal” one that she has to experience physically and emotionally. Many of these women do not believe that relaxation techniques work, and expect labor to be painful.
Level 2: These people are more aware of of themselves – personal behaviors, how their actions may influence outcomes of any given situation. They may dabble in Yoga, hypnosis, or meditation,etc. But don’t take it seriously. They are more inclined to take responsibility for their challenges. They may be proactive in seeking the information they need to solve or enhance a situation. For expectant women, they tend to be more connected with their baby during pregnancy and are usually on the fence about using medications for labor. They may believe relaxation methods work, but are not convinced.
Level 3: These are people who are more in touch with their “internal” being. Meaning they know their thoughts and feelings have a direct impact on their body and lifestyle. They are usually very involved in some kind of personal development, meditation, etc. that brings them to a better understanding and awareness of themselves and how they impact the world around them. They tend to take responsibility for challenges and may ask the question “what can I learn from this?”. Expectant women tend to be more in touch with their sexuality, “connected” with their baby during pregnancy and are in touch with their innate intution, understand how their body works, and trust their abilities. Often these women may have home births, seek midwives, use relaxation methods – hypnosis, meditation, etc. because they believe these techniques will work for them. They usually want to have an unmedicated birth experience.
Almost everyone has a cell phone! LOL!
I think there are levels of body/mind awareness and one can always shift into another level but what they are exposed to, or if and how their beliefs and attitudes change.
What do you think?
Lesly
Jul 24, 2010 0
Stinking thinking … we all do it. It’s called self-talk. It is those thoughts you play over and over in your head when a challenge pops up – career, life ambitions, relationships with other, personal talents, even anticipating childbirth and parenting.
From experience I know what I focus on will happen. I also know distorted perceptions and “beliefs” (what we think is true in the world) is never reality.
For example, if a woman comes up to you and tells you how painful her labor was, and in fact you hear many stories like this – from your friends, co-workers, you start to
b-e-l-i-e-v-e it because that’s ALL you hear. And then you see a TV show of a woman screaming in labor and that just reinforces your beliief and fear this will happen to you. Now you fear the experience.
But then you hear of a woman who had the most incredible birth! It was manageable, she LOVED pushing (a client of mine told me that), she experienced little discomfort during the contractions. It was great. How can that be? We immediately think something is wrong with this story. Labor is SUPPOSED to be painful with lots of suffering. Not true. And just because this message has passed down through generations from our mothers (not all of them of course), it MUST be true! Not so. Our culture in the US has projected this to be true because the media, people, , etc., portray it this way. Not true There are more positive stories out there that we never hear because we believe and focus on the negative.
Childbirth is all about you and how you perceive it. Do an attitude check. Is what you’re feeling truefor you? Do you REALLY believe what you hear? Or is it an influence from somewhere else.
The ACTIONS you take are a reflection of what you believe in and think about yourself in all aspects of your life – even birth.
I like feeling grateful that I had the opportunity to have a child. Feeling grateful creates a sense of peace and serenity. Gratefulness may help to lead to a fearless experience. But you have to find and believe it within yourself.
What do you think?
Thinking of you,
Lesly
Jul 24, 2010 0
Let’s think about what this video is saying. When we THINK we are winning, developing a “can do” attitude, chemical reactions occur in the body to support our winning thoughts. Yet the THOUGHTS of loss, losing, giving up can change things in an instant and so do the innate chemical reactions in our bodies that reflect the losing attitude.
Here we have a boxing match which is physical and painful. Childbirth is physical and “painful”. Could that moment of THINKING “I can do this” be the trigger to see your birth experience through to the finish line – the golal being your baby? Because your body boosts the innate chemicals you need to support success? Could the slightest THOUGHTof doubt trigger the need to use medications for pain releif because the innate chemicals boosting success have diminished? Interesting.
This tells me how important your thinking is during pregnancy and birth. If you fear the experience your body will respond, you’ll feel more discomfort, experience more stress, etc. If you develop a “Birth Mindset” prepare your mind for a “winning, can do” attitude, your birth experience could be very different.
The human body is amazing and we forget how aazing it is. Your body is so ready and biologically programmed for birth along with hundreds of other physiological processes we aren’t even aware of!
That’s why, learning relaxation skills are so, so, very important.
I am eager to hear what you think!
Lesly
Jul 24, 2010 0
Do you know what’s keeping you in crazy mode about pregnancy and anticipating the birth of that cutie pie? The pregnancy books you’re choosing to read. That’s right!
Think about it! Every pregnancy book on the market tells you the standard, basic information about pregnancy and birth. That’s why publishers are making so much money because, mom, you keep looking for something different than the usual information – and maybe THIS book will have it! It’s all wrong, backwards, and rehashed. The focus is wrong. What’s better is reading books that prepare you for the rest of your life as a parent.
Pregnancy and birth books are certainly informative. But, how many books can you buy with the same, tried and true, “mechanics” of birth that’s been a repeated known, physical process for thousands of years?
What IS refreshing is learning how to change your mindset about pregnancy and birth! You already know and understand the process of birth which you have learned from your readings. But learning how your thoughts can influence your birth? Not too many books on that one.
Stepping outside the usual, here are a few topic suggestions to investigate along with your current reading to prepare you for birth, and generate new perspectives about it.
1. How to relax – meditation, visualization, and other mind centered readings. Learn why it’s important to avoid images of flowers opening etc., before 36 weeks gestation. Read about stress and how it can influence the birth process in ways you can’t imagine physiologically. You want to learn and focus on inducing the relaxation response for birth as well as using these skills for a healthier life. Learning these skills are beneficial to you and baby and have the potential to enhance your birth experience.
2. Fear. Everyone experiences fear of some sort. The unfortunate thing about fear is it usually is self induced by our personal lack of confidence in something and our thoughts. I remember being scared to death to be a parent and I wasn’t going to have children beacus of how I was raised as a child. Thankfully I did – it’s been the BEST learning and rewarding experience in my life. And there lies why it’s important to understand where your fears come from, why you should understand and learn from them. If you get mad at your kid, it isn’t enough to just say “Because I said so!” You are behaving that way because it was something you learned from your own upbringing. When it comes to childbirth though, lots of fear surrounds you. Understand where it’s coming from and you’ll minimize it.
3. Intuition. As a society we forget that we were all born once to a mom, good or bad. Basic instinct played a role in our birth. And do you recall the word “imprinting” of species? You and I are of the Homo Sapien Sapien species. When any human newborn comes into the world their first instinct is to follow the scent of mom. Mothers have a unique scent that baby responds too, and by the way is an important success factor in breastfeeding. Intuition is that “gut” feeling, the “hunch” we get about something and usually causes us to act on it. It’s present during childbirth and women need to learn how to depend on it more.
What do you think?
Lesly
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